Me. At least after what I've been through.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize