I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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