If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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