I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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