so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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