I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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