Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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