did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
