Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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