Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize