The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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