With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
