i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
