in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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