I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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