So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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