I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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