Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize