Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.