So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye