Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ketchup is God's man juice
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left