shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...