I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?