My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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