Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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