grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize