I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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