i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.