oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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