she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
