I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
