i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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