I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
