I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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