Pants 0. Shit 1.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
