I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
