I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
