Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
