Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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