I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
