I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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