I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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