That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
