does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
