Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
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His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism