well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?