What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs