Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.