why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?