I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos