this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
