Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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