I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I want is dick and wine.