if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy