Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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