you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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