u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
