all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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