I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize