it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize