I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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