tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
